will ☄ yanyan ~ after match date

Tárgy: will ☄ yanyan ~ after match date Pént. 21 Feb. 2020 - 15:04

I kept my promise made to Yanyan preparing hard for our first match against Yonsei which was actually held on SNU grounds. So it was about our pride as well. Last year, we won a match and lost another against the Y uni, so our coach was determined to make us win clear and square or whatever this time. So even during the football camp we worked extra hard to be able to do our bests today. The pleasant feeling of sore muscles were always forgotten anyway whenever my best bud brough yummy food back to the dorms and let me tease him about his budding romance with Lee 12’s sister, or when Babyface answered my random texts, that made the busy schedule easier as well.
Today it feels like the whole uni is out there to support us despite the windy weather. The two team is basically head-to-head, we can barely keep our 2 point advantage and at this point we might need penalty kicks in the end. I glance up at the projector seeing the barely enough time until the end and with quick steps I dodge a pass even if it earns a clash of shoulders with one of the guys from the opposite team. I lead the ball closer to their goal area but seeing that three guys come at me all at once I know I won’t be able to take it far, so I pass it to Yejun (yes, I know his name, ok?) and bypass the Yonsei guys who cannot stop us from scoring another point no matter how hard they try. I grin proudly seeing Wondo do his little dance in his mascot costume by the line next to the cheerleaders. The crowd is chanting our team name because we all know that a minute is not enough for them now to catch up, so when the final whistle can be heard we all bundle up together and I feel giddy as we bow to our rivals and the umpires.
After all the cheers and running around and hugs with our mascot (I might even tap his butt because bro things), the crowd slowly dissolves, athletes going back to the changing room but I just stand there eyes trained on the audience searching for a certain girl who is so tiny I need time (or glasses for that matter) to find her. But when I do I run up to her, sweaty and all, wide smile stretching on my lips as I halt two steps of stairs beneath her.
“Hey,” I grin at her, watching as the wind brushes her hair into her face and I have to stupid urge to reach there and untangle the locks. “So what do you say? Do I deserve that pat on the shoulder? I didn’t forget it,” I remind Yanyan in case she forgot our deal. Although I doubt she did because she even sent me Korean study materials like she promised. I didn’t have much time to review them, but I made a bookmark for them, so I will make time for it someday. The only thing I have read of all the things she had sent me since our meeting in the laundry room was her article on the movie we watched together and I bombarded her with comments while I read that.
“Anyways, are you free? ‘Cause I’m starving, I just need to take a quick shower,” I casually drop the possibility of hanging out if she’s okay with waiting for me and if she agrees, I walk her down to the backdoor of the sport building where the changing rooms are and tell her I’ll be quick. I pass by a few Yonsei players while getting into our dressing room and do as I promised about that shower.
There are still water drops flying around from my messy locks when I shove my bag over a shoulder, smelling like my best deodorant and walk out after saying bye to a few of my teammates who have stuck around still. Walking through the corridor, Yanyan is a bit farther where I left her but she is still there, so I keep smiling as I catch up to her.
“Have you ever been in that American Diner right at the campus corner?” I ask curiously because I suddenly crave milkshake and fries.

— take off —

who can stop me from flying to the sky

Who is she?

My guiding light.

Yanyan & Will

don't want you to know 

It was the first time Yanyan would be willing to go up to Will on her free will after his match.
Last time had been a bit so-so since she had promised Yena to visit her exhibition and she had already missed some time because of the actual match and she hadn't wanted the girl to wait for her even more. The artistic girl might have been able to marvel around the exhibition all by herself all day long, yet they had decided on the time and the date already, and Yanyan hadn’t wanted to neglect her best friend duties either.
So today was the day she would have called the first in terms of hanging out with the football player after his match. As always, she had prepared with her phone, making some notes here and there about the match, the ones who had scored the points and the exact minutes the players had scored the points. Thankfully, due to the advanced organization, basically everything was announced anyway, so she only needed to jot down the information she needed.
She couldn’t keep a straight face throughout the game, she kept searching for Will (though it was definitely not difficult with his height which wasn’t in the average range amongst his teammates). The boy definitely played diligently and he played well, so Yanyan couldn’t say a single bad thing about his performance. Though she kept worrying whenever he slipped just a bit, and she was always relieved when she could see that he was doing fine. She would never want him to experience the same she had had to experience all those years ago and see his dreams basically crushed into little pieces.
Maybe it was because of the boy’s always so giddy attitude or the fact that she had decided not to give a flying shit about that Chwe Younghoon anymore, but she wasn’t fazed by the announcer announcing him as the one who had scored a goal in the meantime. She knew perfectly well that he was a talented football player, she also knew just as well that he had been accepted at Yonsei, so she wasn’t surprised to see him here. He must have probably been a part of the team last year as well, but luckily, she hadn’t worked for the sports section then.
Anyways, she decided to focus on Will and Will only during and after the match, and it wasn’t rocket science to realize that he was going up to her when the match ended - in his sweatiest, giddiest form with that trademark wide smile of his.
“Of course, yes.” She let out a little giggle when Will - the oh so enthusiastic - didn’t forget about her promise about congratulation him on his performance. “You’re lucky that you’re standing there. This is the only way I can pat your shoulder without tiptoeing,” she pointed out playfully, noticing the difference of two stairs between the two of them.
However, this way, she could easily reach out to the boy and pat him on his shoulders, on both sides.
“You’ve done a good job, Will! Congratulations on your win!” She smiled at him, saying the words as if she had been a proud mom or a proud teacher. Well, she was definitely neither of them, yet she was proud, that was for sure. She could see that Will was so much more than just a football player, yet he was just as diligent on the field as he was when he was taking part in their group work or in learning Korean as she had learned in the laundry room. She appreciated that.
When the boy inquired if she was free, she couldn’t help a smile forming on her lips. It seemed that there would be more firsts that day than she would have thought initially.
“Yeah, sure. Take a shower and then we can grab something,” Yanyan gave in and so they walked down to the sports building. Come to think of it, this was where they had first met ‘officially’ because she had had to interview him for the uni magazine and Will hadn’t even been shy about covering himself up when she had walked into their changing rooms. Oh boy, what a first encounter it had been.
Anyways, this time she didn’t want to go in there, so she waited outside, scrolling through her notes from the match until an all too familiar voice spoke up not far from her and she needed to hold herself back to call the boy names when he had walked up to her.
“Hi, Yanyan! I’ve seen you’ve been pretty close to a certain football player,” Younghoon cooed with his trademark shit-eating grin and the girl rolled her eyes at his observation. “Aren’t you afraid that history will repeat itself?” he reminded her of their high school relationship ever so shamelessly and it was only her common sense that held her back from picking fights with him. How dared he act like this after the way he had treated her and after not even apologizing to her?
“No.” She shook her head. “Will is nothing like you,” she confessed confidently, keeping the eye-contact with Younghoon because he knew that he would have liked to see her shaken up state more than anything, but she wouldn’t give him that pleasure. However, the boy kept pushing her towards the edge.
“Wanna bet on that?”
That’s when she had enough and finally slapped that boy in the face. Younghoon clenched his jaw but said nothing for a few seconds. Then, he looked up at Yanyan again.
“Don’t say I didn’t warn you,” he said as his goodbye and left her there, hurt and frustrated. She started walking up and down for a few minutes to calm herself down, checking the time on her phone from time to time. She knew that Will was usually the last one to finish with his shower (again, thanks to their first encounter), so she sincerely hoped that it would be the case this time as well because she needed quite some time to get herself back on track.
So when the boy finally came out of their changing room, Yanyan was in a better place emotionally but she was still not that well. Yet, she didn’t want to ruin Will’s celebration, so she put on her best acting skills and tried to keep the light atmosphere.
“No, but it sounds nice,” she answered Will’s question about the American diner. Truth to be told, she usually made her own meals, she didn’t eat out a lot, so it wasn’t a surprise that she had no idea where this American diner was, but it was really just within a 5-minute walk, so they got there quickly. “Looks pretty cool,” she noted as they walked into the aesthetically pleasing place and took a seat.
Yanyan tried to busy herself with the menu but her thoughts kept going back to Younghoon and Will had seemingly decided on his order quickly, so without having a waitress coming up to them, she knew she needed to say something.
“So you guys aren’t going to have a big celebration after this? Would you really like to hang out with me instead of them?” Yanyan asked, not having any better idea. It might have sounded a bit odd or skeptical after knowing that the boy was really not how she had expected him to be after that jerk Younghoon, but she needed re-affirmation. Especially on that day, especially with her bleeding heart.

(c) sweet.lips

we accept the love we think we deserve

I would have liked to argue with Yanyan on being lucky because generally I do think of myself as a very lucky person who managed to surround himself with people who save him from missing deadlines and unintentionally skipping lessons but on this particular day, this particular decision had nothing to do with luck. From the very first day we met with Babyface, I’m well aware of our height difference and that despite that she’s stubborn enough to not let me overpower her using my advantage. So even playfully she could have hit me in the stomach or something to crouch down and she could reach my shoulders but I wanted to avoid any incident like that, so I thought ahead and kept my distance. As long as it earns me a proud smile and pats on my shoulders, I don’t mind. I mean, It’s Yanyan after all, it’s almost like I made it into my life mission to make her enjoy football after she was basically forced to deal with the sport section of the uni magazine as well. Or at least make is bearable. If I can contribute to that with a win, I’m more than happy to do so.
“Thanks,” I smile at the petite girl with a genuine smile plastered on my face after her praise and woah, I never thought this day would come, so I definitely gotta tell my best bro about this. I will probably ramble in my bunk bed after he turns down the lights. It wouldn’t be the first time that I get so excited about something, for example a movie I saw or that new food place I found that I go on and on and on until Wonho just doesn’t answer anymore and oh… he fell asleep. I mean, at 1AM it’s pretty reasonable, so I try to sleep too. I can basically see it happen today as well. Only if he doesn’t hang out with Yejun’s sister at the after party.
“Cool, Imma be quick,” I grin at Yanyan when she agrees to have dinner with me and true to my word I try to make it as fast as I can but my mother taught me about essential hygiene and that takes time. Even if I don’t hum along with newest girl group hits.
Being fresh and smelling like pine trees (according to the shower gel label at least), I dry my hair as fast and as much as I can under a show amount of a time. The blonde has started to fade a while ago and I have been both lazy about going back to dye and actually I don’t really care that much. So I guess once my hair gets into my eyes, I should just cut it enough to get rid of the unnatural colour. Once I’m done I spring out in loose jeans, a sleeveless shirt and a jacket, suggesting going to an American Diner to which Yanyan easily agrees. To be honest, I expected her to protest, to want to eat something healthier but it’s definitely a positive surprise. Also, I’m super glad that she likes the place so far. Though, she will love it once she tries the milkshake!
Knowing the menu like the back of my hand, I know what I’m gonna order immediately but wait patiently until Yanyan scans the menu over. She looks a bit anxious, but it might be the new atmosphere, so I don’t mention it.
“Oh come on, we have after parties following every match but hanging out with you after a match? That’s a first and I like talking to you so,” I wave away the girl’s concerns about me wanting to be at the team celebration. I usually go there for the company too and taken that I have less chance to spend some time with Babyface, I’d rather be with her now than with the guys whom I meet five times of a week. “I mean... we could go to the party if you want to but I didn’t think you would like that,” I add as an after-thought in case she’s disappointed. I’m not sure. I can't quite figure her behaviour out now.
But before my head could get hurt from thinking too much, the waitress comes and I let Yanyan order first followed by my vanilla milkshake, extra large fries and Champion burger request. When the waitress leaves a thought pops up in my mind.
“How was your friend’s exhibition last time?” I ask curiously since I failed to inquire about that, too focused on convincing her to come to our next match and hang out with me. And now we do, it’s pretty cool.

— take off —

who can stop me from flying to the sky

Who is she?

My guiding light.

Yanyan & Will

don't want you to know 

Yanyan wouldn’t have wanted to see Younghoon’s face ever again, let alone meeting him like this. He might have been that shameless to come up to her to ask about the friendship between her and Will, but she wouldn’t have done the same, especially because she didn’t care anymore what he did or what kind of a girl he had tried to seduce. She was pretty sure that he kept going back and forth with girls, and she wasn’t the only one who had been played, but she wouldn’t want to. Anything that was related to Younghoon was supposed to be and stay in the past, but she already knew that it wasn’t true when she was reminded of one of her biggest mistakes from time to time after the match.
A part of her hated Younghoon as intensively as she had never hated anyone before, yet a part of her hated herself, too. How could she have fallen into his trap? How couldn’t she see the signs? Maybe it was her being young and naive, but she had always thought that she was a sensible and responsible person, so why? Why had it had to happen like that? She would never be able to look at boys the same way; despite the fact that she was very well aware that not every guy was a jerk like Younghoon himself, how could she trust them and follow her heart when it had already deceived her?
She had gotten hurt too badly and she definitely didn’t want history to repeat itself - and no matter how Younghoon felt the need to remark that she may let history repeat itself with her being closer to Will, she didn’t want to believe him because it couldn’t be. If Will had wanted to be inappropriate to her, he would have already done so, but he had never given her a reason to be suspicious about his intentions. Maybe she had had those during their first encounter, but the more they met, the more sure she was that Will wasn’t like the popular football players she had associated with guys like Younghoon.
On the other hand, she couldn’t deny that the encounter with her ex-boyfriend had shaken her up, and it was only thanks to Will taking a long time to finish having a shower that she could put a grip on herself and be a bit less emotional when she had just walked away from Younghoon. It seemed to work on for the time being, Will acting as casual as always at the American-style diner, answering her question about them spending time together as it had been a piece of cake.
“Well, that’s definitely a first for sure,” she agreed with the football player’s words once she had finished choosing what she would want to have. To be precise, what seemed like a good idea at this time, because she didn’t really feel like eating after having had that encounter with her ex-boyfriend. “No, I don’t want to go to the party. I just wanted to make sure that it’s okay with you,” Yanyan added as a slightly odd explanation since it had been Will in the first place who had suggested hanging out after the match.
Yet, she really needed to feel like she wasn’t a burden and that Will would really want to spend time with her. Younghoon’s implication hadn’t been the problem, the emotions were that the boy’s appearance could trigger in her. She had no idea how to deal with it all, especially since she was so sure that she had moved on.
Needless to say, she was exceptionally glad that after giving their orders, Will spoke up and they didn’t need to sit in silence before she really didn’t know what to say or do to not give away her shaken up state.
“It was good. I was really proud that her paintings had been selected and there were also a lot of nice art pieces apart from her own ones. It was an enjoyable exhibition,” Yanyan concluded hopefully with a seemingly genuine smile even though she didn’t feel like smiling in that moment.
However, somehow they still got through with the conversation before their orders arrived and after giving a short feedback on her hamburger and shake, they were munching away on their food. She was a bit more like picking on her food and when Will gave her an odd glance, she needed to avert his attention from herself.
“Tell me a funny story with you and the team,” she asked before reaching for her milkshake and letting the liquid fill up her stomach. At least, that much she could take in even though she didn’t feel like eating anymore.

(c) sweet.lips

we accept the love we think we deserve

In the very beginning when I first met Yanyan and even for a long while after it she was quite reserved, keeping certain feet of distance but not afraid of throwing me glances if I said or did something she didn't like. However, I have felt that after that movie we watched together she kind of warmed up to my all over the place and very zealous attitude. The time when we met in the laundry was pretty cool in my opinion as well and I have felt that we were really on the smooth track of a friendship by now, I thought that's why she agreed to spend her time with me after the match but hearing her questions I can't help but think that she's having second thoughts about the whole thing.
"It's totally okay with me don't worry. You know, I like to be around people but I like to be around people I'm close with more, so that's why I usually drag my roommate with me to these parties even though I know he isn't super fond of them," I admit with a bit of chuckle but I hope that I could reassure the girl that I'm a hundred percent sure that I would rather be here with her than anywhere else at the moment.
It's striking, to be honest, the difference between her smile from earlier when she congratulated me and now when she manages to pull one onto her face while she talks about her friend's exhibition. Since this is a fast food restaurant chain after all, our orders arrive pretty quickly and as I already dig into my fries after dipping it into honey mustard - the next best thing after ketchup - I curiously ask Babyface's evaluation about her menu. Based on the detailness of her opinion on movies and everything so far I thought she would point out pros and cons but this time she keeps it simple and I don't bug her about it. Maybe she's just hungry, I tell myself.
I'm eating my bulgogi-filled burger in big bites (ketchup probably smearing around my mouth) when Yanyan asks me to tell her a funny story and it's so out of the blue that I almost choke on the food in the hastiness I would like to answer. But then I clear my throat with a few gulps of milkshake.
"Oh you're in for a ride because I have so many funny stories! Alright I told you that I didn't know Wonho was our mascot for long, right? Well, I didn't know two of my teammates were actually twins, I just thought they look alike," I add for starters and while nipping on my fries and milkshake I tell her about my very first football camp with the guy's right after I got to Korea last year. Back then I still had a lot of difficulties understanding Korean, so when at the end of the camp everyone was asked to list the hardest things they faced being there, I told the instructor that it was the Korean language. Or there was one time, during a break in a match last season, I was walking by a team mate of mine casually talking to him until I realized that I wasn't even talking to my teammate but to some guy from KU.
It takes a few stories and the emptiness of my fries' sachet for me to realize Yanyan's burger is still untouched basically and I can't help but make a careful comment.
"Don't you like it? Or are you feeling sick?" I inquire gently not wanting to make it worse no matter what it is. It's so not like her as far as I know that I can't help but get worried.

— take off —

who can stop me from flying to the sky

Who is she?

My guiding light.

Yanyan & Will

don't want you to know 

Will was - in a way - innocently oblivious to a lot of things around him. Yanyan had already realized that him being around girls didn’t mean that he was flirting with them, it only meant that he spent time together with them since he was oh so oblivious when girls were giving him the eyes. It had been the case with Nayoung too when she had asked for his autograph when they had been decided to be a team. She hadn’t taken the opportunity to make use of this personality trait of his, but now she had no choice but to avert his attention from her own problems because she didn’t want to talk about it no matter how much it was killing her from the inside.
That’s why she was particularly grateful that their conversation could still go on, and Will seemingly didn’t take notice of her shaken up state. Or she was merely good at hiding it just like she had done in the past after she had gotten to end just what kind of a guy Younghoon had really been.
“Oh, I see. I’m glad to hear that,” she added when the boy had reassured her that he would want to spend this time with her instead of someone else. She definitely caught the part of him mentioning people he was close with and she knew that he was referring to her as well, it was just difficult to remark something slightly playful regarding his words.
So Yanyan let him be and answered his question about Yena’s exhibition and then as their hamburgers arrived, she asked him to tell her a funny story while she was trying to pick herself up even more. Will had started to send her worrying and odd glances and she didn’t want him to ask about the reason behind the sudden change in her behaviour, so she rather wanted him to talk. She hoped that him talking ever so zealously would keep her mind occupied just as it had always done before.
“You can’t say that you didn’t know that they were twins,” Yanyan commented with a bit of a glance herself even though she shouldn’t have been that surprised because that was just who he was. He got into so many hilarious situations and she got to know about them in the next few minutes while she was trying to hum and make some comments here and there, so that she wouldn’t seem suspicious.
However, what was tormenting her from the inside didn’t seem to go away, and eventually Will himself also picked up on her behaviour. She gulped hearing his question, wondering what she should say or how much she should say.
“I…” She started hesitantly, not bearing the eye-contact with him. It had been so easy to be around him lately, so why? Why would Younghoon show up now when everything seemed to be looking up? Yet, she wasn’t ready. She wasn’t ready to appear this weak and pathetic before him. “Yeah, I actually feel a bit sick, you know, girl stuff. I think it’s better if I go back to the dorms,” she told a fib as she had changed her mind and decided to put an end to their encounter for the day.
No matter how much her heart churned at the sight of the dumbfounded football player and his puppy eyes, she knew that it was best if she didn’t bring Will into her own drama. She realized that she feared how he would react to what had happened in the past, and she wasn’t ready to face his opinion, so she decided to leave, rising from her seat as she put down a few banknotes on the table. However, Will was ready to object, so she needed to be quick and firm about her decision.
“No, you should stay, really. I’ll see you around then,” she bid her goodbye with a forced smile and practically ran out of the place, not looking back. Maybe she had just made a mistake, but running away seemed like the best option in that moment.
However, it didn’t seem like such a good idea as time passed and soon her hurt was overtaken by guilt, heart heavy, mind occupied with thoughts and table full of more and more empty soju bottles as she was sitting in a corner bar not far from the dor,s. Why had she needed to leave Will behind like that? She wasn’t like this, and the boy had definitely not deserved to be treated like that when it hadn’t been him who had made a mistake. She had left telling a lie and she felt terrible about that.
So when her thoughts were already foggy because of the alcohol and her heart was already heavy with the weight of her actions, she headed back to the dorms and instead of going straight to their room with Yena, she knocked on the boy’s door. When he opened the door, a silly smile appeared on her lips, her rosy cheeks giving off her tipsy state.
“Heeeeeey, Will! You must be surprised to see me here,” she cooed overly enthusiastically and let out a childish giggle as she looked into the boy’s big doe eyes. Had she never realized just how beautiful his eyes were? Because they were definitely really nice. “But I gotta tell you something. Something really important. A secret,” she whispered by the end and put her index finger on her lips as if she was trying to indicate the seriousness of her words.
However, in the next moment her head pang and she put her hand to her temple as if she was trying to pacify her headache.
“Oh, I’m so dizzy,” she blurted out between little fists of laughter and tried to ground herself but she almost fell over and it was only thanks to Will’s quick reflexes that she was saved from having an encounter with the ground. “You have such stroooong arms. And those big big muscles, oh boy.” She giggled as she poked at his arms, looking up at him with a silly smile. Wow, he really had such beautiful eyes, even more beautiful from this close.

(c) sweet.lips

we accept the love we think we deserve

Even though Yanyan tried her best to engage into the conversation by commenting on my silly and outright ridiculous stories those smiles that she seemingly forced onto herself didn’t reach her hollow eyes. That’s why I take it upon myself to ask her about her state because I don’t want her to force herself to stay and pretend to be okay just because she is too nice to dance back on her words. So I give her an excuse for her to take if she wants to say but when she actually brought up a reason, I stutter a bit.
“Oh. Ooooh girl stuff. I get it. I mean I don’t but yeah...” I nod and gulp hard knowing that it’s totally something I can’t help with. I mean, I only know stuff that they show in movies, like bringing ice cream maybe? But even the milkshake didn’t seem to help her, so I’m not sure how I could make it better. That’s why I decide to let her have her space. But seeing her stand up I’m ready to do the same, walking her back to the dorms. However, Yanyan’s voice is stern as she tells me to stay and it’s not something I could object to. Maybe she justs wants to be alone or just doesn’t want to be with me right now. I mean, looking at how she basically sprints out of the place with her short legs I guess it must be true to some extent.
I finish the food with heavy heart after that because no matter how much I try to convince myself it’s not my fault because I really didn’t force her to join me in the first place but I do feel a bit bad. And walking back to the dorms alone, kicking a stone ahead of me, I suddenly don’t know what to do with myself and getting back to an empty room doesn’t help my situation either. Now, a good advice from Wonho would definitely do me some good but he’s currently out with some mentor stuff. If I remember correctly, or maybe the others managed to drag him to a post-match party. Maybe he didn’t even need that much convincing knowing that Yeji might be there as well.
So having nothing else (see: better) to do, I watch random funny videos online after scrolling through my friends’ social media feeds and I furrow my brows confused when I hear the knock on the door. There’s no way Wonho lost his key. But when I open the door and I see Babyface it’s even more surprising than facing with my roommate would have been.
“I am. You are right about that,” I mumble with mouth slightly agape seeing the girl in this state. Eyes sparkling and lips pulled up in a dazed smile, it’s a look I usually see at parties, so seeing it now at her takes me pretty back. Did she drink? Is that… okay when she’s on her period? I wanna ask her whether she feels better but she beats me to it and tells me she has a secret to tell. Actually I’m a bit unsure what to do but I cannot not find her cute.
Then it’s a split of a moment when her smile falls between giggles and she almost falls, so I have to catch her by the elbows but I really don’t expect her comment to be like that. My jaw literally drops before I catch myself as well and clear my throat.
“Uhm, thanks, I guess. But what about sitting down first?” I suggest carefully and putting a hand gentle onto her back, I help her walk safely to the bed. I think that’s a safer option than the chair. “Here,” I give her a pillow to hold on while I get a bottle of water as well and bring it to her. Then I sit next to her watching her closely so I could react fast enough if she was about to fall towards the wall. “Better?”

— take off —

who can stop me from flying to the sky

Who is she?

My guiding light.

Yanyan & Will

don't want you to know 

As expected, Will was quick to accept the fact that she was dealing with girl stuff because he himself wouldn’t really know a lot of things about menstruation or PMS. Or probably he wouldn’t and that’s why he looked so fazed and gulped down as if he had tried to gulp down his nervousness. Truth to be told, Yanyan had no idea how to feel about it since she really wanted to get away from him but at the same time, she didn’t really want to leave him. Yet, staying with him meant that she wouldn’t be able to engage in the conversation fully and she didn’t want that. Will was such an eager, childishly curious and talkative guy, and listening to his stories and talking to him required her to be focused if she really wanted to enjoy herself. And by this time, she wanted to.
However, knowing her state and messed up thoughts, she was very much aware of her own behaviour, and she could feel that this conversation wouldn’t have the best kind of ending, so she decided to put an end to it herself. Since Will also believed her lie, it was almost easy to get away and find solace in something else other than the boy’s presence. She really didn’t want him to get too worked up or look at her any differently because of what had happened in the past, and she was also kind of afraid of telling him the truth that not even her family had known.
On the other hand, her guilt was slowly eating her up from the inside and despite the fact that she wasn’t the kind of person who turned to alcohol whenever she was having a hard time, this time it just felt like the right thing to do. Something to get her mind off of her scrambled thoughts, something that at least didn’t disappoint. Yet, her dizziness mixed with her sense of guilt led her to Will and his roommate’s door, and that silly smile was immediately plastered onto her face when the boy showed up at the door.
“See? I knew it. I already know you sooooooo well~” Yanyan singsonged giddily when the boy admitted that he was indeed surprised to find her by their door. Poor boy had been left behind, so it was no surprise that she was there, but how couldn’t she? He deserved to know the truth. Or at least the alcohol prompted her to make up her mind and tell him the secret she had been keeping all alone.
“Noooo. I don’t want to sit down. I’m perfectly fine like this,” she objected the moment he wanted to make her sit down but she managed to kick into the threshold, so she had to admit her defeat. “Okay, maaaybe it would be okay to sit down,” she gave in between two little fits of giggles, holding onto Will’s super strong arms while he was leading her inside their room. She had never been this close to the boy, and she had no idea why but his presence was very calming and the fact that he was there to catch her was also very much heartwarming.
She was a bit unsteady as she took a seat and since her head was hurting more than expected, she couldn’t register how the room looked around her, the bottle of water and the pillow were already in her hands. She smiled widely at Will when he handed her the things, but she pouted a bit when he stepped a bit further away.
“Yeaaah, it’s better. You would make such a greaaaaat boyfriend. You know, you are strong, you are cute, you are funny and…” She started but she needed to hiccup a few times before she could continue. However, by the time she would want to add more things to her list, she actually forgot about what she was saying, so she closed her mouth and stared ahead of herself.
She needed a bit more time to realize why she was there in the first place, and when she did, her head hurt both from the memories and the headache that the alcohol had triggered in her. She held onto the pillow tight as if it could ground her but she was already falling and not in the literal sense. Her heart was bursting from the confession that she was about to make, yet her head was dizzy, and it killed her. It felt like the world could split into two.
“You know Younghoon from Yonsei, right?” she started as she looked at Will with a sad pout and let out a long, long sigh. “I was talking to him today before you came out of the changing room. We know each other. We were actually classmates back in high school and he was my first boyfriend. Or so I thought,” she admitted as she let out a bit of a whimper, something that people do when they don’t want to wake up in the morning, yet they have to.
She was so overwhelmed by her own emotions that were all over the place that she didn’t even know what she was feeling anymore. She was sad and hurt and tired but most of all… absolutely and totally drunk, and her drunken state had gotten the talkative and unfiltered side out of her.
“That douchebag had a bet that he could make me fall for him and take it to the sex level, and I actually believed in him! He did all the right things to get to me and I was stupid enough to believe him and his kindness because it was fluttering that a guy like him liked me,” she chatted, her words full of frustration. She was still boiling from the inside even though the worst part was yet to come. “And we actually did it. I lost my virginity to him and it was weird… and painful… and unfamiliar. It wasn’t like how I’ve imagined. You know, I thought that it would be so special but… it wasn’t. Especially not when it turned out that it was all set up. That... ABSOLUTE TRASH OF A PERSON!” Yanyan exclaimed as she rose from the bed, hands holding onto the pillow tightly, feeling the need to punch someone (Younghoon for example).
Yet, due to the sudden rising, she almost lost her balance again, so she fell back to the bed, with her back on the mattress, holding the pillow tightly to her chest and the bottle of water in her other.
“I was soooo stupid. I am soooo stupid. Why do I feel so sad thinking about it? Arrgh… I wish I could kill Younghoon,” she whined loudly, the first teardrops escaping her eyes. She was so utterly sad and hurt and talking about the incident made her very emotional. Like very, very emotional.

(c) sweet.lips

we accept the love we think we deserve

I'm not sure I have ever seen Yanyan as carefreely giddy as she is when she stands in front of me at my dorm's door. I can't help the chuckle leaving my mouth when the girl remarks how well she knows me and I wonder whether it's really true. Considering that she showed up at my door unannounced, thinking I would be surprised isn't a strong evidence, I try to search for other arguments. I'm pretty talkative though and we did have fun conversations both at the festival and at the laundry the other day, not to mention the time when I accidentally accompanied her until her adorable little brother's kindergarten. So maybe it is true, maybe she knows me well since I'm pretty much an open book after people spend some quality time with me.
I have of course dealt with drunk people at post-game after parties but none of them were 1) at my dorm room 2) Yanyan. I decide to play it safe and tell her to sit down but she doesn't like that and for real, how could someone tell her no? She's absolutely adorable with her chipmunk cheeks and sparks in her eyes. How much could she drink? Or was it because she was so petite that it hit her so hard? Maybe that caused her to lose her balance too, falling right into my arms. Her giggle was the absolute cutest thing and I couldn't get mad at her at all, not even when she started feeling up my biceps.
But eventually, I manage to get her sit down and drink some water before sitting down next to her. I try not to panic and think of what mom would tell me to do or what Wonho would do in my place (other than having a heart attack). However I certainly didn't expect her to list all those compliments about me so out of the blue just because I was able to pull myself together. I blink at her a bit dumbfounded, taken aback.
Of course, it's not the first time that someone called me funny or cute but Yanyan telling me that I would make a good boyfriend is a whole new level. First of all, I haven't really considered myself dating no matter how many girls swarmed around me after matches and second of all, because it was Yanyan! She seemed someone with high expectations and I would have never thought that I could reach them but apparently she of all people considered it before. But when? Why?
"Uhm, thanks,“ I mutter, not sure what to say to all that but based on the girl's dreamy expression she doesn't expect anything else either. She just stares out of her head, and I get a bit worried but I'm not too sure what I should do. Should I text Wonho asking for advice? Should I search it up on Baidu? Should I call mom?
Then suddenly Yanyan speaks up, asking me about some Younghoon from Yonsei and I furrow my eyebrows, confused, because I'm really bad with names, even with my own teammates, so I don't really know whom she is talking about. Maybe a surname would help. Or his number? But right now, I can't really match a face with the name. But luckily Yanyan carries on even with my confusion clearly written on my face and at first, I really don't get why she is telling me all that.
"Oh," I breathe out very eloquently when she takes a breath in-between her monologue and my eyes widen when she mentions a bet and sex and I really don't like where it's going but it really does end like that while I learn that not only Yanyan has lost her virginity to a jerk but also that sex is terrible. Or at least her first time which is terrible because those are supposed to be special, don't they?
"What the hell, how dared he? What was his name again? I'm gonna so teach him a lesson…" I sprout out what comes to my mind and only stop when the girl suddenly fell back to the bed. Then I realize that taking care of her now is more important than dealing with that ass. I reach out to help her but she lies down on Wonho's bunk bed casually. But then the understandable anger on her face twists into sadness and that kind of breaks my heart to see. She doesn't deserve that.
"Hey, you are not stupid. Him acting like a douche doesn't make you any less. Don't say that," I murmur trying to get her to understand that whatever that Younghoon guy did that doesn't define her as a person. I sit next to her, looking down at her and her tears are saddening. They weren't meant to be there.
"Hey, it's okay," I whisper and after a moment of hesitation, I reach down, thumb gently wiping the shiny tears away. "You can cry if that makes you feel better. Or we can diss at that caveman. Whatever you want," I offer before coming up with other ideas. "Would you like some chocolate bars? Or anything?"

— take off —

who can stop me from flying to the sky

Who is she?

My guiding light.

Tárgy: Re: will ☄ yanyan ~ after match date Csüt. 6 Aug. 2020 - 16:41

Yanyan & Will

don't want you to know 

Being drunk while being on her period was a weird combination, probably one of the weirdest ones when it can come to someone’s emotional state. After all, she was feeling peachy, and she was also hormonal, so having her emotions all over the place was kind of inevitable. Besides, she was a lightweight which meant that even just a bit of alcohol could cause her to start blabbering like a chatterbox, and this time, she really had a lot to say, so somehow the words came out without thinking them through, and after a while, Yanyan found herself telling the story of the bet with the popular guy from her high school including her first time with Younghoon.
She was almost sure that she shocked Will enough for him to not be able to speak up, but then, when she got to the end of her monologue and attempted to rise from the bed (and failed, falling back), the football player’s first fervent words ever since the beginning of her monologue left his mouth, and she felt oddly touched by his reaction. She didn’t know why she had assumed that he would react in a different way, but it felt nice knowing that he didn’t blame her for it.
“Don’t worry! I told him today that you aren’t like him. And I punched him in the face when he dared to compare you to him,” she confessed with a bitter smile as the world started spinning around her, and she needed to focus on his face to not lose track of her surroundings. It was definitely working, but it also resulted in her not being able to look away from his handsome face.
Well, not until the memories hit hard, and she began crying, the teardrops leaving her face as suddenly as the words she had just said out loud. It was weird, but she felt like she was no longer able to hold herself back, not when she was this emotional and this drunk. She really shouldn’t have drunk that much, but oh well…
The way the boy’s face was suddenly wrinkled with worry made her heart leap because she had had so many false assumptions about him, and she had thought so many bad things about him in the beginning. It was unfair, she realized that, especially after the events behind her back. Younghoon could have changed for the better, but no, he stayed the same trashy person he had always been, and that just made her even more saddened over the way she had treated Will in the beginning.
Thus, hearing his reassuring words and ever s long list of suggestions made her heart melt and break at the same time. She had really been completely wrong about him from the start, hadn’t she?
“You are too good, Will. I’m sorry that I’ve ever doubted you,” Yanyan confessed between two ugly sobs, not ashamed of apologizing. She was truly shameless now, in the way she was practically lying on their bottom bed as if it had been hers and holding a pillow to her chest, hoping that it could soothe her nerves, but she couldn’t help it. The alcohol had destroyed her inhibitions. “You know, you are actually the second person to know about this. Not even my family knows, only Yena. I was so ashamed about it, I really blamed myself for it, but today, when Younghoon dared to say that you are just like him… I couldn’t keep it together anymore,” she recalled the encounter in the corridor leading to the boys’ changing rooms, the memory making her shiver in fear.
The tears were still flowing though not as strongly as previously, but they were there, and Yanyan didn’t know what to do to make them stop. What could she do anyway? It wasn’t like she had wanted to cry in the first place. It had just happened. Just like so many things that day. Just like so many things in the past. So instead of asking for a tissue like any reasonable person would, she looked up at Will and whispered softly:
“Can I ask for a hug?”

(c) sweet.lips

we accept the love we think we deserve

Seeing Yanyan drunk made me curious how it looked from the outside when others saw me tipsy. Maybe because of the muscles and the bigger body but I usually held my alcohol well but maybe there was a reason why Wonho was freaking out when after we became roommates the first party rolled by and I came back demanding cuddles. But even though I’m a bit freaking out not knowing what to do I couldn’t help but think how cute Yanyan was slightly unbalanced and very open about her compliments. I have heard the saying because that drunkenness brought out the truth but I had never faced the fact so openly before… or at least I hope she was being honest because it feels nice she thinks of me so positively.
However the swooning of my heart falls back and my confusion and worry doubles when she starts getting angry as she’s telling me all about a guy called Younghoon who was an absolute douche with her back in high school. No, not even that. He was rubbish, worse than a waste of a person. I don’t even know who he is but I already hate him and I want him to pay for what he did. It’s unexpected, the sudden wave of anger I feel in my body thinking about this guy and the only thing that can calm me down is the girl and her reassurement.
“You did well, he deserves it,” I compliment and indeed my chest swells with pride as I think of her standing up for herself (and for me no matter how much of a shock that is). I want her to know that she had every right to do that, that that bastard deserved that and so much more. The fact that I’m gonna see him at every Yonsei match now riles me up with intention but then as I see something break in the girl’s usually shining orbs, I feel myself weaken and let go of that sudden hatred. Now is not the time to be angry, now she needs comfort and I try my best to offer her options to do so as my thumb slides across her cheek, wiping the warm tears away.
“Hey, you don’t have to apologize. I have never blamed you or anything,” I shake my head at her sorry. I mean I can be pretty dumb when it comes to realizing stuff so I haven’t even realized she thought of me that bad in the beginning, I didn’t take it to heart either and she even gave me chances to prove myself, so we are alright, no need for sorrys.
“No, no, no, don’t blame yourself. It wasn’t your fault for trusting the wrong person. It was him at fault, only that rubbish guy,” I try to reassure her, hand still at her face, thumb gently caressing her as if I could get her to calm down. Then because I know how hard it must have been for her to share something so personal with me, I need to voice out something else too: “And thank you for trusting me enough to tell me about it.”
Even though I have no idea what to do with the fact that she’s not a virgin - not that I was thinking about it before but still! - but to know that her first relationship was with that heartless jerk makes me want to destroy him. But not now, not now.
As Yanyan’s tears slow down and I find her eyes on me, I try my best to soothe her nerves with a smile, giving her encouragement if needed before she voices out that question. Oh.
“Oh, lovely, of course, you can,” I mutter, not even paying attention as the Chinese endearment slips my mouth.
Even though other times I would wait for her to initiate - after she basically shoved me off the first time we met - but in this state, I don’t want her to doubt anything, so I itch a bit closer on the bed, not making any sudden moves as if I was afraid of scaring a wounded animal. I lean closer and embracing her tiny body I pull her to my chest, not caring about her tears soaking through my tee over the shoulder.
It‘s a bit awkward angle because of our legs but I try my best as I stroke up and down on her back softly. But the thing is I don’t know what to do or what to say but at times like this, my mother is my best advisor, so I suddenly remember a lullaby she used to sing to me when I was younger. I’m not a singer, not even close but I start humming the sweet song hoping it would help her to feel better. I might forget the second verse so I start from the top instead but the whole situation becomes so comfortable after a while then I realize I wouldn’t even mind if she fell asleep on me. I just want her to be alright.

— take off —

who can stop me from flying to the sky

Who is she?

My guiding light.

Yanyan & Will

don't want you to know 

Yanyan was certain that not all break-ups were painful, but she had experienced only one, and that had been painful without a doubt. She wished time and time again that she could have seen the heartbreak coming, that she could have seen the red flags and that she could have been just a bit more careful, just a bit more suspicious. Though may it be because it had been her first love, or because she had indeed been a lot more naive than she was now, she would have never thought that her relationship with Younghoon would end in so much hurt and so many tears. Or a fake relationship. Or whatever it was really.
Talking about it had always been difficult, hence her lack of conversations regarding the topic with anyone apart from Yena. She might not have told Will either under different circumstances, but the words had just slipped, and the more she had talked, the steeper the hill had come where she had found herself rolling down. The aftereffect of the alcohol numbed her senses a bit anyways, so she didn't feel as awful ranting about Younghoon as she would have done so if it hadn't been for the dizzy feeling in her body and the haziness engulfing her mind.
Nevertheless, her previous clumsy and ever so chatty self turned into an emotional wreck pretty quickly, and being so close to Will didn't seem that intimidating or uncomfortable anymore. It was rather reassuring now, and she didn't know how or why, but she wondered if he had always had this scent around him, or he had changed his cologne recently because he seemed to have smelled differently. Or maybe it was just because her senses heightened now that they were suddenly a lot closer than before.
"I didn't do anything grande, but it did seem to hurt for him, so I'm glad." She shrugged her shoulders casually when the boy told her that she did well by punching Younghoon in the face. Probably other girls might have been able to hit harder, but her actions had caught Younghoon off guard anyways, and that's what mattered. It had also felt good to let out her feelings like that, and even if she wouldn't want to admit it, it also felt good to be complimented by Will for such a thing. She didn't know the reason why, it just did.
Not to mention the way he oh so gently touched her and wiped her tears away, and his kindness just made her feel even worse because of what she had done to him previously. She was very well aware that drawing stereotypes and putting people into categories based on her previous experience was neither fair, nor always correct, but the pain Younghoon had caused was much greater than the injustice she felt like her way of thinking would lead to.
Thus, sobbing constantly was nothing unexpected, both because of the weight of her words and the attention she received from the boy. She didn't feel like she deserved it in any way, especially not his thank you.
"I've just wanted you to know why I treated you in the beginning the way I did," she clarified herself, letting her tears start drying on her face. Crying was such a funny thing, and it didn't ever really make sense to her, especially not now, but maybe, the presence of Will was enough to put her heart and mind at ease and to stop the tears from falling.
This particular wandering thought prompted her to ask if she could get a hug, all of her filters thrown out of the window. If she had been sober, she might have been scandalized or at least a bit judgemental regarding her own actions, but now she didn't care. She looked at him with wide eyes, her lips curling a bit upwards at the way the Chinese endearment rolled off his tongue so casually, and she felt like their culture wasn't the only thing that connected them anymore, but a lot more actually.
So she didn't even want to make up her mind about her request, and since the boy didn't seem to mind her question either and instead, he pulled her closer to his chest, she let herself melt under his touch, and she let herself fall into the depths of all these complicated and messed up feelings of her past and present. She was constantly thinking about what they could mean, but the pang in her head was holding her back from getting to the end of her train of thoughts. It was fine though. She felt a lot better beside him, in his embrace, listening to his impromptu lullaby.
"You know, you have a pretty good voice... It's raspy yet nice," she mumbled into his tee, not knowing how much he could comprehend from her words, but she was way too weary to think about it further. His body was also pleasantly warm, his arms around her firmly yet gently framing her body, and his voice was like a door to an escape, a safe haven from her problems and the events behind her back.
Slowly but surely, she found herself shifting from the last of her sobs to a much more pacified heartbeat and only the patches on Will’s shirt reminded her of her previous tears as she drifted into a warm, fuzzy and comforting sleep.

(c) sweet.lips

we accept the love we think we deserve

Tárgy: Re: will ☄ yanyan ~ after match date Kedd 3 Nov. 2020 - 21:16

I mumble a good under my nose when Yanyan tells me that the Yonsei guy whom she had punched looked like he got hurt from her actions. Though it doesn't really make me reconsider my idea of giving that guy a beating next time I see him. I swear I'm not a violent guy but if he dares to approach Babyface once again after all that shit he had pulled, nah, I won't let him. And yeah, I know that the girl can protect herself but if she's going to drunk herself into a crying mess every time that douche says something, I would rather not have them meet ever again. Not that I have any right to do so but the way Yanyan reached out to me in this state must mean something, trust to begin with for which I'm grateful and I tell her so along with the reminder that I'm not mad at her for thinking I'm a stereotypical athlete. To some point I am: I spend more time exercising than studying and I probably have more muscles than brain cells but as my mother would say, my heart is in the right place and that's what matters.
"Thanks," I mutter when Yanyan hums something sounding like a compliment into my shirt in a sleepy voice as her tiny slim body gets relaxed in my embrace. I don't even know how long we sit there with me humming than lullaby before I realize that the girl's even breathing is most probably because she fell asleep. The realization probably only hits when the dorm room's door opens and Wonho freezes on the spot, his eyes are on us hugging on his bed lit only by the corridor's light. Oh that must look misunderstandable.
"It's not that… wait," I hiss at him as quietly as I can to not wake Yueyan who finally stopped crying. I wanna ask my roommate to help me get the fragile girl into her own bed but he seems to get a different idea and I don't understand anything from his hand movements but then suddenly he leaves and I'm left by myself in slight panic what to do.
First things first, since there is no way I can carry the girl all by myself without bumping into doors and waking her up to her room, I decide to lay her down but when I try to pull away I notice her hand holding my tee and the sound she makes half-asleep makes me stop moving around. I really don't want to wake her up. She deserves a good night sleep and somewhere between thinking that and brushing her fringe out of her eyes gently, sweet dreams take me too.

When I awake later, at first I'm not sure what's weirder: the flowery scent around me or the weight on my chest. As my eyes flutter open, they immediately go wide as I realize the source of both: Yanyan.
She's thankfully still asleep but I know it's gonna get awkward no matter when she's going to wake up, so I try to make sure she feels the least uncomfortable as possible. So it takes some manouvering but I manage to slip away from the girl, replacing myself with Wonho's pillow - sorry buddy - when Babyface grabs on air in her sleep. And gosh, she's so endearing I feel like I could watch her all day but I'm not a creep, so instead of that I start looking through our cabinets looking for painkillers. Our medicine box is pretty top top because I get small injuries often and because Wonho generally worries a lot.
Thinking of my best bro, I get my hands on my phone and send him a message that he shouldn't have left like that but I hope he's alright. I also ask whether we still have those hungover soups he bought for me the last time. But before he would answer I find those by myself but I accidentally close the cabinet's door a bit too loudly.
Oops.

— take off —

who can stop me from flying to the sky

Who is she?

My guiding light.

Tárgy: Re: will ☄ yanyan ~ after match date Csüt. 31 Dec. 2020 - 22:07

Yanyan & Will

don't want you to know 

The headache was creeping onto her alongside a warm, fuzzy feeling, and she felt like she was weightless, floating above her own body, looking at the events from an outsider’s point of view. Everything was as if she was looking at it through a glass window; she could see what was happening, she could most probably do something about it as well, but at the same time, she felt like everything was just passing by, words rolling off her tongue without her conscience kicking in, the snarky remarks long stuck in her throat. Instead, she was in an oddly calm state, eyelids heavier by the second, the air filled with the boy’s raspy voice.
The way he was singing that lullaby to her reminded her of the times her own mother had done so in the past. When she had been so young and innocent. Oh, those had been the best times. Not knowing about the cruelty of the world, not knowing that not everything was how they had presented it in movies. People got hurt, cheated, fooled, humiliated, and with each passing day, humans found more and more ways to hurt each other while not tending to their own wounds either.
She was about to say her thoughts out loud to the boy, but then, she was swept off her feet by the dream that was covering her with sweetness and newfound hopes and such warmth that she couldn’t resist its power, and she found herself dozing off, holding onto the boy’s tee and her heart beating to the melody of the lullaby he was singing to her.
When she opened her eyes next time, it was because she heard a loud thud, and she wanted to check what was going on. Yena was usually a quiet roommate, and she didn’t make much noise, so she had never startled her with anything that might wake her up. So Yanyan thought that it was odd that she had heard such a noise.
“Yena, since when were you up?” Yanyan sat up in the bed, blinking the sleepness out of her eyes. She tried to open her eyes longer, but it felt like her eyelids were stuck together with glue. It didn’t help either that her head was aching so bad, and her neck was a bit stiff from sleeping in a - probably - weird position.
When she could bear to keep her eyes longer than a few seconds, and she registered that the room wasn’t like her own one with Yena, she immediately snapped her head at the source of the voice, it being Will who was awkwardly looking back at her from beside a cabinet. Then, it struck her like lightning. The events from the night before. Younghoon. Her punch. Drinking one soju bottle after another. Knocking on Will’s room’s door. Confessing to him. Listening to his lullaby.
Oh. My. God.
“Oh…” She mumbled, totally devastated. She could not believe that all these had happened, and that it had been Will out of all people who had had to bear with her drunken self. But she had wanted to clarify the things to him so badly, and she had felt so bad for just leaving that abruptly at the American diner. “Oh my god,” she said, holding onto her head as if she could turn back time with a click of her fingers.
“You…” She started, pointing at the boy. She didn’t even know what to say to him. How to word her embarrassment. After all, she had just spent a night at the boy’s room, and his roommate was nowhere to be seen. Though maybe things would have been even more awkward if Wonho had been there. Coming to think of it, she couldn’t stay there too long. Yena was probably already too worried about her.
So she needed to get to her point, but it was just so sudden, and her head was aching, her body acting weird, so she really needed to spend a few seconds just pulling herself together.
“I’m so sorry for last night and for sleeping here. I really didn’t mean to. I hope I didn’t inconvenience you,” Yanyan confessed, her words a bit clumsy. What was she supposed to say? She felt so embarrassed. “Do you… Do you not mind what I’ve told you yesterday?” She looked up at him, eyes twinkling with guilt.
She had to realize that she didn’t want him to look at her any differently because of what he had gotten to know. Maybe she just wanted someone to accept her with her past like Yena had done so. She also wanted that someone to be him.

(c) sweet.lips

we accept the love we think we deserve

Tárgy: Re: will ☄ yanyan ~ after match date Hétf. 25 Jan. 2021 - 20:56

I have gotten myself into quite uhm… interesting situation a few times but this one was certainly one I had no experience in and while I was usually very chill and not at awkward, I really didn’t know what to say or do, so I kind of just stand there and stare at Yanyan who seems to only realise where she is and why, holding her head probably to fight off her headache due to the amount of alcohol she must have had consumed yesterday. Or maybe she didn’t even drink that much, she’s just tiny and a lightweight, whatever it was right now she looked like as if the worst thing she could think of has happened and when she pointed at me, my eyes widened and I lifted my hands in a defensive manner out of pure (survival) instincts.
“Nothing happened! I swear nothing happened!” I claimed before she could have asked the most misunderstandable bits of the whole situation, however after a few minutes of debating with herself probably it turned out that Babyface didn’t seem to have holes in her memory and she seemed rather embarrassed as she apologized! It totally confused me because... why? There was nothing to be worried about, I’m a pretty chill guy after all.
“Oh that... ” I mumble thinking back on all that I have learned yesterday about her. Sure, it was not an everyday thing someone comes up to me to tell me that wow I have muscles and that I’m a good guy before telling me about their douche ex and asking for a hug. It wasn’t her fault that she was emotional and drunk. It was an emotional rollercoaster for sure. But nothing to be sorry for.
“Why would I mind?” So I blink in pure confusion before my hand balls up in a fist, jaw clenching at a thought. “The only one who should mind would be that young hoe guy whose nose I will so break the next time he even looks your way.”
He would so deserve it. The bastard. Not only he played with her feelings but even dared to rub her the wrong way now that they met again. And he made her cry! I can still see the remnants of tears on Yanyan’s pretty face. That jerk!
“If it would make you feel better, I have dozens of embarrassing stories to share,” I offer with a playful twitch in the corner of my mouth, trying to light up the gloomy mood before I realise my words could be quite offensive. After all she told me how she lost her virginity, gosh I really shouldn’t make her feel even worse for that, so I quickly add: “Not that your story was embarrassing. It was uhm… now everything makes more sense.”
By the end of the comment, it’s more of a mumble and clearing my throat I reach for a bottle of water and into the med box Wonho insisted to keep in our room.
“Aspirin?” I offer just semi-awkwardly, lifting that up but not pushy, letting Yanyan decide for herself. She lived only a few doors away, so she could of course leave whenever she wanted. Whatever was comfortable for her. I wouldn’t hold anything against her.

— take off —

who can stop me from flying to the sky

Who is she?

My guiding light.

Yanyan & Will

don't want you to know 

Yanyan was usually a well-composed person. She wasn’t the type who got herself into awkward situations, and she wasn’t one to get into trouble. Maybe it’s because she liked to live by her own principles, sticking to deadlines and routines, avoiding people who could only inconvenience her, and not being a frequent at parties or social gatherings that could end up in people drinking themselves under the table and doing stupid things. On the other hand, Younghoon’s words the day before had been enough for her to find herself in a tsunami, and her emotions had swept herself off the ground. She would have never gotten so carried away with drinking and confessing her past scars to anyone if it hadn’t been for something absolutely horrific. But Younghoon was a horrific part of her life, so it was understandable.
Yet, the shame followed the previous night’s happenings, and holding onto her head, she could only hold onto her head and blink at Will, unsure of what to say and how to word himself. The boy tried to clarify things though even though she would have never imagined him taking advantage of her, especially after what she had told him last night.
“I… I didn’t think that anything could have happened,” she said, voice coming out a bit raspy. It was almost cute of him for wanting to set things straight right from the start despite her not thinking of anything of the sort. Though as this thought crossed her mind, she was suddenly reminded of what she had told him - how muscular he was and that he was a good guy and that he had a nice voice -, and she felt even more embarrassed than a minute before. Oh. Alcohol surely makes her lose her filters.
“That’s really kind of you,” she remarked with a faint smile when he got all pumped up and frustratedly mentioned that it should have been Younghoon who should have been sorry. Sure, it wasn’t like her to tell this story to anyone - not even her family knew about it -, but she didn’t expect such a reaction. Though Yena had already proved her wrong when Yanyan had told her about it, and now Will had done so, too. She didn’t even want to think about what would have happened if the boy had looked at her any differently. Why? It would… it would just make her feel even more vulnerable, and she wouldn’t want to appear any different in his eyes than before.
Speaking of her best friend, she was sure that Yena was worried sick about her not coming home last night - because it was so unlike her to come home late, let alone not coming home at all -, so she knew it was time for her to go. The boy had already done so much for her, she didn’t want to be a burden to him anymore. Though the boy didn’t seem to mind her presence and tried to light up the mood which she appreciated.
“Thanks.” She let out a bit of a chuckle when he said that he had dozens of embarrassing stories to share, and even though she wouldn’t misunderstand his words, he added that he didn’t think her story was embarrassing, things just made more sense. “Well, I didn’t want you to know about it for a reason, and I definitely didn’t want you to know about it this way, but… We can’t turn back time,” Yanyan concluded with a bittersweet smile, and shook her head gently when the boy asked about aspirin. “You’ve already done enough. I’ll head back to my room now.”
She announced confidently, pushing herself off the bed - slowly, so that her head wouldn’t hurt more -, and stepped closer to the door. Though before she would leave, she looked at the boy and let out a grateful smile. She was so relieved that he was more protective than disappointed in her, she just didn’t know what to do with this feeling.
“Thank you for everything,” Yanyan whispered as she reached for his hand for just a moment before letting it go and heading out of the room. The walk to her room had never seemed so long than this day.

(c) sweet.lips

we accept the love we think we deserve